


It's All Right, Love.

by richietozlr



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Gen, M/M, Not very ship oriented, Takes place before Epilogue but after The Chapel scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 10:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19197013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richietozlr/pseuds/richietozlr
Summary: When the blood dries and the dust settles, we reconvene.





	It's All Right, Love.

**Author's Note:**

> I reread Carry On in about seven hours. This is the product.  
> There's no Baz perspective because I wanted to focus primarily on the girls and how they react and their emotions. Penelope is incredibly perceptive which I think is why I wanted to start with her, and Agatha is an interesting character to me that I wish we had more of. The Simon bit is just for self-indulgence. Enjoy!

> “I killed him,” Simon says.  
> 
> 
> “It’s going to be okay.” Baz wraps both arms around him. “It’s all right, love”  
> 
> 
> Everything is starting to make sense.

****

**PENELOPE**

When the blood dries and the dust settles, we reconvene. I don’t have to ask to know that Simon has made lists upon lists of what has happened; what is real and what is fake. Who are his friends and who are not. I don’t have to ask and he doesn’t offer any sort of insight. But I just know, and he knows that I know, and that’s how our friendship is. While the Old Family is still trying to make sense of what happened that night, Simon stays with me. Neither of my parents mind at this point and even if they did? Well, there isn’t anywhere else for him to go.  


_“Penelope.”_ Mother had said softly to me.  


“I’m all he has left.” I said, voice firm and unwavering.  


And that was the end of that debate.  


We’re sitting in what is currently both my and Simon’s room. I’m not entirely sure myself how I managed to get Agatha back in the same room as the three of us, but even she is here. Agatha sits at my desk chair. She is perched on the edge with her back straight and her hands folded on her lap like a choir singer. She’s as beautiful as ever, even with dark circles under her eyes - I’m sure a result from all of this.  


Baz stands tall near my door. He seems the most unaffected by the past few months. Had this been a year ago, Simon would have talked my ear off in annoyance at how unfazed Baz is by the real world. He looks normal - if not a tad aged. He seems well composed and is wearing his hair loose. Surely Simon’s influence.  


And Simon is sitting on my mattress, slouching. He’s stretching his wings ever so slightly. Thank Merlin that he isn’t knocking furniture over. He had looked the worst out of all of us. Of course he did. He didn’t speak nor eat proper for almost two weeks after the fiasco, no matter how much we held him or how much Baz mumbled against his ear. Some days we’d get a smile and you could see some of that sparkle back in his eyes. On the worst days he seemed like a walking corpse - if he was able to get out of bed. I catch him now looking at Baz. Of course.  


“All right? How are we this lovely day?” I break the silence.  


Simon is smiling again. This time it’s at me instead of Baz. “Definitely had better, Pen.”  


Baz says, “Nice one, Bunce.”  


And Agatha says, “I’m moving.”  


“Moving... “ I softly echo. If Simon still had magic I’m sure the room would suddenly be very, very charged of pure nerves.  


“You’re moving?” Simon asks incredulously. He isn’t slouching anymore. Everybody’s eyes are on Agatha. She’s staring at the floorboards. Her hands grip the end of her skirt. She sniffs, and I’m almost sure she’s going to cry, but she remains composed.  


“What, are _you_ going up to Oxford?” It would be nice if she remained at least somewhat local, but...  


“I’m running away to California.” She says. _Running away._ “I hate this. I hate Watford, and magic, and all the damned quests and prophecies. I’m sick!” She squeezes her eyes shut. Not even Simon can speak. There’s no snarky comment from Baz. It seems I’m, like always, just socially inept to speak where nobody else will.  


But surprisingly, _Baz_ answers. “Is this your fate, then?”  


Agatha sniffs again. She looks at Baz. “I don’t know. I don’t care about any of that anymore. I’m… I’m not a prize, or a damsel in distress. I’m not a main character - not in this story. I… I want to be a Normal. That’s something I can control. That’s something that’s mine and nobody else’s. I want to get a cheeky flat in California with some girlfriends and spend our days going to Starbucks and going to the mall and planning dream vacations. I don’t want to be in the middle of a war that isn’t even my own. I never considered it my own! I want…” Agatha’s face is red. She puts a hand on her chest. I think she just might hyperventilate. “I want to decide on my own.”  


She’s not a coward. Agatha isn’t out of her mind, she isn’t being absurd or unrealistic. Everything she’s saying is clicking and lining up puzzle pieces I hadn’t even known were there. Agatha wasn’t acting the way she did out of malice, or spite, or even a need to create drama. She was doing what was expected of her and she hated it. I look at the four of us. We’re only nineteen. Nineteen and one of us lost any semblance of a father figure he had and all magic, another has to deal with family matters and the proper grieving of his dead mother, there’s myself, and there’s Agatha with all this emotional trauma and baggage. None of us wanted this. I think it’s incredibly brave of her. I’m proud that she is being selfish.  


Simon gets up. I see Baz straighten up and make a gesture for him, but Simon shakes his head. These two and having their own bloody nonverbal language. Absolute menaces, they are. Simon’s wings pull in close to his back and he goes to Agatha. She sniffles. He envelops her in a hug. I find myself smiling, and I see Baz is as well.  


When the crying stops she tells us she’s moving away in a month. She’d rather die than go back to Watford, and Simon and I sympathize - Baz is the only one mad enough to continue going to school at this point. Agatha says she will miss us all terribly and gathers all our phone numbers to create a sort of group text. I think I hear Baz tell Simon to actually use his phone now. What a pair. 

****

**AGATHA**

****

I feel safe with them for once. If I pretend to not see Simon’s wings (Nobody explained them to me.) and if I pretend when Baz opens his mouth I don’t see his fangs (Vampire.) and I pretend that I have slept more than one hour at a time, everything feels normal. We are normal nineteen year olds who didn’t just prevent the end of the World of Mages - well, they did. I’m more than happy knowing I was not a part of the final battle. Thank Merlin and Morgana for that. Agatha’s good out here.  


Penelope spells her wall into a makeshift TV screen so we can watch movies. I didn’t realize Baz was comfortable enough with us to sit on the same bed together. When did he become so integrated into this… Group? It was always Penelope, Simon, and I. Well… It was more Penelope and Simon. I was there because I was his girlfriend. Penelope and I are friends, sure, but it never did feel like I belonged. I wish I hadn’t taken it out on them - I wish I had come clean instead of childishly accusing Penelope that she and Simon had a different kind of relationship. I wish a lot of things had gone differently. But that’s in the past. Right now, we’re all huddled up on Penelope’s bed, and I can pretend we’re just a couple of Normal kids spending their last summer days together. I exhale happily.  


Simon looks at me and we smile. Penelope is between him and I. If this was last year I would have thrown a fit. Funny how far away and utterly irrelevant all of it feels now. How childish. I think I see Baz put his hand on the small of Simon’s back. I wonder if he’s still antagonizing him. I’ll miss that I think. I won’t miss the weird love triangle. (Is it a love triangle? I had feelings for Baz but Simon had feelings for me… I guess it’s more of a love line.) I loved Simon - I still love him. But I don’t love Baz. It’s the unknown, the new, the exciting. That’s what drew me to him. Did I love him? No. But did I wish we could have fallen in love? Possibly. But not anymore.  


I rest my head against the wall. Simon suggests we watch Twilight, because he’s a git and always has to start something. Baz frowns. Penelope snorts.  


“Are you sure you don’t want to watch Dragon Tales? We should watch a children’s show since you’re so insistent on acting like one.”  


“I think I’m Team Bella,” Penelope says. “I don’t see why she has to have a love interest at all. Why should she be reduced to being a thing for either Jacob or Edward? I really think that there should be more roles for women that don’t involve them being an object. Like, she really tried to die because Edward didn’t give her the time of day? Does nobody see how that’s problematic?”  


“I’m Team Edward.” Simon interrupts. There’s a tilt in his voice. He nudges Baz.  


_“Simon.”_ He hisses.  


“You called him Simon.” I softly notice.  


Baz freezes for a moment. He tries to pretend like he doesn’t, but I notice. I don’t say anything. Penelope is staring intently at the screen. She’s suddenly very quiet. Not very in character of her. “Is your truce still valid, then?”  


Simon and Baz look at each other, then they look at me. I wish I could read minds. Everybody is doing this to me. I sit up and try to keep my composure. “What?”  


“I- Uh, I’m,” Simon stutters. “It’s…” I expect Baz to make fun of Simon’s stutter. But he doesn’t. He does something I’ve never seen him do before; he gives Simon support. He puts his hand on Simon’s leg.  


What in Merlin’s beard? I can’t help but overreact, popping up to my feet. “What’s going on?” I ask carefully. Penelope clears her throat. “Agatha.” She sounds like she’s pleading.  


I laugh but there’s no humor in it. “Even until the end you guys love to exclude me and keep me out. We’re… We’re friends! Stop leaving me out.” I don’t want to sound like a brat, but the words spill out. They’re not entirely incorrect.  


“Baz is… I’m.”  


“Well?”  


“I’m his boyfriend.” Simon finishes.  


Penelope doesn’t react. I look at her. “You knew?”  


“Not… Technically.”  


“You knew?” Simon says as well, like it’s a surprise to him as well.  


Penelope exhales and rolls her eyes. She drops her wand which she was using as a remote for the magickal telly. “Well, I’m not dense. I figured you were together when Baz called you ‘love’ in the Chapel.”  


“You called me love?” Now we’re all turning to look at Baz. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him at a loss for words. It’s kind of endearing, actually. It’s nice seeing some true emotion on his usually impassive face.  


“No I didn’t.”  


“You absolutely did. You said, and I quote, ‘It’s all right, love’.”  


“I don’t remember. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  


Baz looks like he wants to not have this conversation. But then Simon slides his hand over Baz’s. The one still resting on his thigh. And I see the tension slip away. He’s back to being composed as ever.  


“For how long?”  


“What?” Simon’s attention snaps back to me. I’m not terribly surprised that they’re together. Thinking back on how often they were involved? It makes sense. I don’t think I’m jealous, but I do feel a certain way.  


“Since Christmas.” Baz fills in. “We were being private about it.”  


“Oh.” I say, dumbly. I look at them holding hands. It’s nice, actually. “It was a love triangle. Simon liked me, I liked Baz, and Baz liked Simon.” I muse this outloud, mainly to myself. I think I should be offended that Baz strung me along. But I’m not. I think this makes more sense anyway. The more I mull it over, the more I see them being a good fit.  


Penelope scrunches her nose. “Ag, please don’t say you’re homophobic.”  


“What?” I look up at her with wide eyes. “Of course not! Look,” I sit back down to make the atmosphere more comforting. I position myself facing the three of them. Penelope slides back so Baz and Simon can properly have a conversation with me. I smile in what I hope is reassurance. “I’m proud of you two.”  


Simon shakily exhales.

****

**SIMON**  


“All right, Simon?” Baz quietly asks. He’s being quite lovely. I’ll have to tease him about it later when it’s just the two of us.  


I squeeze his hand in mine. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until Agatha gave her blessings. “Thank you, Aggy.” She tucks her hair behind her ear.  


“Of course, Si. Were you really worried how I would react? I don’t care who you love. It isn’t surprising that it’s Baz.”  


“Did everybody know that I was in love with Baz except me?” I complain. The three of them laugh. Well, Baz doesn’t quite laugh, but I’m sure if he was capable of expressing normal emotions like a normal person he would. He unclasps my hand only to retake it to twine our fingers together in an abnormally very un-Baz-like, soft manner.  


When everybody settles back down I try to let myself think of the things I never let myself think about. My psychiatrist told me that I should slowly break it down. She tells me I internalize too much. 

When I told Penelope and Baz they were surprised (or more apathetic in Baz’s case) that I wasn’t aware. I guess this is how I cope. My psychiatrist says it’s not healthy. I’m starting to think maybe she’s right, considering she is a professional and all.  


We don’t end up watching Twilight, but it is some B-list Netflix movie. Everybody seems to be happy. I tuck my head against Baz’s shoulder and he leans into me. It’s nice not having to hide things. It’s nice having this. I close my eyes.  


Things I never let myself think about: Love. I had always told myself I was meant to be with Agatha - I always told myself all I wanted was Agatha. And I think that I did love her like that once. I won’t deny that. What we had was important and I won’t ever disregard it. But, sitting here with someone I was so sure wanted to ruin my life? Being here, cuddling up to my archnemesis? Being able to reach over and kiss this vampire whenever I damn well pleased? Maybe I’m the one living an absolutely charmed life.  


“All right, Si?” Baz asks softly. He talks in a tone of voice reserved for me. Only I hear him. My smile widens and I press my nose against his neck. He’s cold, I notice.  


“All right, love.”  


And it is all right.


End file.
